Not Quite "People of Walmart"...Yet

So I haven't showered yet today. Nice...right? It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't run this morning at 6:00 but heat + humidity + run + me = stinky. I actually changed out of the morning running clothes into clean running clothes...but I still stink.

When you have kids, something happens, you become an extension of their mess. Your mess just doesn't seem to matter as much anymore. Or if it does...you just don't have as  much time to fix it up. When your kids are babies you go through a phase where everything you own smells like spit-up or sour milk. You are changing diapers (pee and poop...yuk!) and you barely have time to spend a minute on yourself. You are too busy following behind them wiping noses, and faces, and bottoms. Picking up the mess they leave behind, whether it be toys, or crayons, or books, or snacks, or juice boxes. Then, as the children multiply and age,  so do their needs and your responsibilities. They need to be driven places, entertained, scheduled for play dates, camps, sports, etc. They need to go to the doctor and to the dentist. In our case, we have ABA  therapy and social groups to attend. Even though they have gained so much independence they still need so much.  My kids are a full time job!  

I'm not complaining. This is a choice (to use my time in other ways) and I will get to that shower eventually...but I used to swear I would never leave the house without looking put together. Well, I am not in the "people of Walmart category" (yet) but I have been known to leave the house with a wet head (at least I showered...right) and deodorant on my shirt (at least I remembered to put some on). These days, what I deem acceptable attire for a trip to the commissary or park is far different than what I would have ever considered before I had kids. "Sprucing up" is less important that the 60 billion other things I want to try to do or needs I try to meet in a day.

Craft for the day

So, here I sit. In a running skirt and Under Armour top. I've spent the day grocery shopping, making an Indiana Jones satchel out of a paper bag and duct tape, updating i-touch's, ipods, and computers, folding laundry, unpacking from a weekend trip, dropping off and picking up from camp, filling the car with gas, and checking FB about 80 times (yes...I am addicted). Now it's time to make dinner...and I still need a shower. 

Becoming a Mom

So, the other day I heard a woman talking about how hard is was to be a mom. She mentioned that when her baby was born everyone she met who was in the same situation (new mom + infant) was all googly eyed and overjoyed at how wonderful being a mom was. At the same time…she was feeling completely overwhelmed and was thinking “what am I doing wrong?” Of course I was eavesdropping on the conversation and jumped right in to say I had felt the same way.

It was hard becoming a mom. Life.changed.forever.

At the hospital before the transfer to Greenville

Our situation was even stranger…I was actually a mom for about 2 weeks before I even got to hold our baby. And when I did, she was attached to wires and cords and all kinds of stuff. Before I delivered Dara I was diagnosed with preeclampsia.  Because of that, I delivered Dara at 35.5 weeks. Even then she was 5.3 pounds. As soon as she was born I was asking…is she ok??? Her apgar scores were good but there were some complications. I never did get to hold her and she was whisked off to the nursery.

She started out on an oxygen tent, and then a c-pap. Both of these were medical interventions to help her breathe. Before the night was over the docs has decided that neither of these were doing enough for her and she would need to be transferred.

I was in pretty sad shape myself. The magnesium sulfate that they had given me to help the preeclampsia had done a number on me.  My kidneys were suffering and my limbs were so heavy I couldn’t even lift them. Magnesium helps preeclampsia patients by replacing the calcium in their bones to help avoid the risk of seizures during labor. Pretty scary stuff. They did the transfer to Pitt County Community Memorial Hospital and she was placed in the NICU. They diagnosed her with persistent pulmonary hypertension(PPHN). 

This led to her being placed on a ventilator and about a gazillion wires. Things were literally touch and go at first. The docs told us that this could be fatal. I had stayed back at the Naval Hospital to try and recover and Carl made the trip to Greenville to be with Dara. He sat with her for endless hours every day. Whenever I would call and talk to the nurses they would always tell me how wonderful he was and how all of her vitals were better when he was there.

I was pretty sick myself…and weak. Weak beyond belief actually. The doc told me if I could walk down the hall myself and eat solid food he would let me leave. So, I did it and he discharged me. My mom had stayed with me (thank goodness) and was living at our house while Carl and I lived in the Ronal McDonald house and visited with Dara every minute that we were allowed.  In the beginning I couldn’t even walk from the parking lot to the NICU without stopping to rest. It was unbelievable.

First time holding her in the NICU

She was there for 2 weeks. Every day Dara grew stronger. The first day I held here was  at about day 12. Once of the nurses couldn’t believe I hadn’t held her yet…so she took her out with all of her wires and I held her. It was crazy…and finally real. We were actually able to hold our baby and she was going to be ok! 

At the same moment we (well…I, Carl seemed calm as usual) was kind of freaking out! Now I had to actually be a mom. Up until that point it was so surreal. I mean I was a mom but my baby was living in a hospital fighting for her life. The first thing I did when they said she could come home was go buy the book “What to Expect the First Year.” I was so happy and sp scared at the same time!

The first few weeks were super hard…but we survived! And there were many days where I felt like it shouldn’t be so hard. And that the mom’s who acted like it wasn’t hard must be lying. Who knows…maybe they really had an easier time of it and were as beaming and happy as they seemed. I won’t ever really believe that

Carl and Dara at home

Even so, I wouldn’t trade it. Every day/hour/moment of difficulty was rewarded with a smile, a milestone met, a funny poop story (not funny at the time usually…but laughable now). And what I’ve discovered that it will never be easy to be a mom. That parenting is a constant learning experience…that once you think you’ve figured it out you get hit with another curve ball and you have to start all over again. But I do believe that every big problem or issue can be wiped out in a single second with a hug, a smile, laughter, and the happiness of my children. That no matter how hard it is I am rewarded with their unconditional love.

Writers Note: During the writing of this blog post I had to break up one Nerf gun fight, clean up pee off the bathroom floor, and deal with a meltdown over not getting candy. Yup…fun stuff!!!

Mental Toughness

So, this morning I dragged myself out of bed for a 6 mile run. This was my second 6-miler of the week, and the second one that I needed to completely talk myself through every minute and mile to finish. Just to that tree, just till the end of the song, just keep going, don’t stop.

The bridge in Swansboro. Part of today's 6 mile run.

I could blame this on several factors…such as my nutrition and hydration yesterday was awful or that I was awake a large part of the night with Dara (who couldn’t sleep…poor thing). I could blame it on the heat or the fact that my ipod is on the fritz and just plays whatever it wants instead of my running playlist (instead of jamming out to my favorite songs from Glee, I wind up singing the soundtrack from The Muppets). But in the end, what it boiled down to was plain old mental toughness.

This morning I was not tough. This has happened before…lots of times actually. But it is the WORST when it happens during a race. When I ran the VA Beach R&R Half Marathon and the Quintiles Half Marathon I knew by mile 4 that the next 9.1 miles would be grueling, that I would have to fight with myself every step. And I did. I finished…but I finished hating both of those races and instead of feeling accomplished for running 13.1, I felt defeated. My mind beat my body.

I think that will be my biggest challenge for the Marine Corps Marathon this year. Not letting myself feel defeated by my training…just running to run and enjoy and experience this amazing race…oh and being mentally tough enough to beat my time goal J. 

The Big A...or in our case...P

I want to write a little bit about Autism. I think as my blog and writing evolves it will be a popular topic for me. I don’t want to blog only about autism (as so many do) because my life includes so much more than that. Don’t get me wrong it is a big part of our lives and doesn’t only impact Dara. We are a family of five and we are all touched by it in some way. Clearly, Dara faces the most challenges from autism, but we live this life alongside her. 

Actually, autism is the standard buzz word we use to describe Dara’s diagnosis. But she was “officially” diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (Not Otherwise Specific), PDD (NOS) several months before her third birthday. Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) is is a diagnosis for people with most, but not all, of the characteristics of autism. 

Where did this PDD (NOS) come from? Was she born with it? Was it a pre-existing condition that occurred as a reaction to drugs that she received at birth? Was it the environment? We don’t know. I have some personal theories…but of course they are not backed by real scientific evidence…just mom’s intuition. So, maybe I’ll save them for another day.

So, what am I trying to convey here? That autism is something that I want to talk openly about. And I do talk about it…but now I guess I will write about it too. 

New Stroller Testimonial

My friend Stephanie (founder of Stroller Warriors and the Marine Corps Spouse of the Year 2012) has decided to lead a charge to encourage companies that build running strollers to include a special needs stroller in their line of products. There are so many families that could benefit from a product that would make every step easier. Many special needs kids can't walk for long periods of time, without assistance, or even at all.  A "super size" easy to push and accessorize stroller could make the lives of these kids and their families easier and more enjoyable! Even though Dara can run, it it not something she can tolerate for very long right now. So, I took a few minutes to write my own testimonial. I've included it below. 

My name is Deana Havens, I am a wife, a mother, and a runner. This is my daughter Dara. She is eight years old. Dara has autism.

Dara was diagnosed with autism in 2006. She was 2 ½ years old. Since that day my husband and I have done everything we can to ensure that she has every opportunity to grow and flourish from a toddler, to a preschooler, and now a young girl. We also have 2 other children, Caleb (6) and Dillan (or Dilly, 4).

This is a photo of our family after the Coastal NC Run/Walk for Autism in Wilmington, NC. We decided to run this race as a family to show our support for the NC Autism Society and to help raise awareness for Autism here in eastern NC. I don’t usually push Dara for races because of the constraints of both our single and double strollers. I do some training pushing my youngest daughter in a stroller but I have never pushed any of my kids in a race.

It was so important to me to push Dara for this race, but as you can see she is no tiny girl! In an effort to make the race easier I actually borrowed a yellow Bob Ironman stroller from a friend before the race thinking that it would make pushing her a little easier (even with a fixed wheel). But on race day we discovered that the tire was flat and it would not take air to fill up. So, at the last minute I reverted back to my old green stroller with a fixed wheel and a pull to the left (even after being readjusted several times). As you can see, she fits [for now]…but just barely!

The race was hard for me. I run all distances from 5k to 26.2, but this was one of the most emotionally and physically challenging races I have ever participated in. There were lots of corners to turn and Dara was heavy! My green monster was pulling to the left so much that my wrist was really hurting just trying to keep it straight! And with all the turns the fixed wheel was very difficult to maneuver! Lots of people in the race were very supportive and were tickled by the fact that she sat in the stroller with her book on her lap (she loves to read!) yelling, “Faster mom! Faster!” I kept telling those people how hard she works every day and that the least I could do was work hard for her.

After the race, she and I talked a little about it. She has language skills, but can’t always express her needs and wants clearly. That day she WAS clear…she loved racing with me! I couldn’t have been happier to give her such joy! One day I hope that she will be motivated enough to run even just a small part of a race with me. But I don’t imagine that happening for several years to come. Until then, I would love to have a larger stroller with a swivel wheel and all the options and accessories that a Bob stroller has to offer!  I could use it for racing (and places like Disney World or other family fun activities) where she could sit comfortably and I could push her comfortably. It would be an amazing gift for both of us if we could train and race together as a team!

If you or someone you know could benefit in any way from a new, larger stroller, please consider writing your own testimonial. Check out Stephanie's FB page for details and how to submit your story! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Stephanie-Geraghty-Marine-Corps-Spouse-of-the-Year-2012/344909458872678

The Glass Table Incident

The grocery cart

When I was 5, I busted my chin open and needed stitches. My mom was at work and my brother and I were playing in the basement. My dad was fixing something on the "work" side of the basement and my brother and I were playing on the other side. I don't think we had a TV down there back then. Even if we did...there probably wasn't much to watch, especially for kids. As I remember it we were entertaining each other by playing grocery store. I think I climbed in the grocery cart and he was going to push me. Bad idea! I fell and hit my chin either on the corner of the glass top coffee table (crazy to even think about that now...right?) or on the basement floor. Either way, my chin was split open and I was bleeding...alot.

I started screaming and my dad ran out of the back room. He started yelling "What happened, what happened?!?!?" I think between the two of us we finally got the story out...but in the mean time he scooped us both up, one in each arm, pressed a washcloth to my chin and bolted up the stairs. I think he was yelling at us the whole time...which I didn't understand. He threw us in the car (no car seats back then of course) and drove us to the hospital where my mom was working. I got stitches, they got rid of the glass table, and that was the end of it.

So today, Caleb [while doing something he clearly shouldn't have been doing at the playground] hit himself in the head. As a result he had a HUGE goose egg on the side of his head (scary) and we wound up in the ER. Thankfully he was OK. I didn't yell... but the whole ride there I kept asking him {in  that deep stern mommy voice that I have] why he did that? and didn't he know better? I couldn't help myself...I was so scared and upset and surprised at the same time. I was mad at myself for not being closer and keeping a better eye on him. I was just kind of beside myself and that day when I was 5 came flooding back and I wished all I had to do to keep protecting him was to get rid of a glass table. 

Blogging all Over the Place!

My "three" for all!

So "they" say that if you decide to blog...you should blog about something specific. Pick a subject and write about it and people will begin to follow you. Well, I am just one of those people that is all over the place. If you know me at all you will totally understand what I mean. I can't finish one thought or conversation without merging it into about 10 more...and then I usually forget the original thought or point I was trying to make. So, to honor my true self, my blog will be just like me...all over the place! If you decide to read (or follow me) you'll get to read about my silly kids, my love of running, autism and how it affects me and my family, my  hubby, my job, my fears, loves, and well, a whole bunch of other stuff.

Two things I will write about a WHOLE bunch are running and autism. I have merged these two by deciding to run the Marine Corps Marathon on October 28 as a fundraiser for the Organization for Autism Research (OAR). I've been running for almost 3 years now and this will be my 2nd marathon. I can't think of 2 causes that are closer to my heart. I'll be embarking on this adventure with about 30 (or more) ladies that I run with as much as I can (http://www.strollerwarriors.com/). These amazing ladies keep me on my toes, educate me about running and about a zillion other things. It is such an amazing and supportive group! I'll be following their blogs and helping them (hopefully!) as well.

My official training actually started today. It is my son Caleb's birthday, so instead of getting a sitter for my run I decided to take him with me. Lucky him (lol). I pushed him and my youngest (Dilly) in a double stroller while my oldest (Dara) was at camp. As far as training goes...it was a fail. It was super hot and those kids are heavy! So, 5-6 mile run was cut short by about 2-3 miles. But we were together and it was fun (well, not at the time...but looking back it wasn't so bad). Then, he got to play on the playground with some of his friends while I endured a [slightly torturous] strength workout with some fellow SW's. Those girls can make anything fun! So overall...I don't think I am off to such a bad start.