Happy Birthday Dilly

Today is Dilly's birthday. My "baby" is 5. How bitter sweet!

When Carl and I decided that we might want another baby we were "even." We had our girl and our boy. I never really imagined myself with more than 2 kids. Well, quite honestly with kids at all. I never thought I didn't want children...I was just never a big babysitter/mommy type. So, when we started talking about having another baby we were on the fence. We "practiced" by having a friend's daughter over for dinner and pretending that it was us with 3 kids. Of course...one night of dinner was a pretty scaled down version of what our life would be like with another child to love.

In a mix of a last minute deployment for Carl (2 weeks notice) and the death of my Dad (with no notice at all) I became pregnant with Dilly. So, as far as planned surprises go, we couldn't be luckier. I spent most of the pregnancy as a single mom since Carl as in Cuba...but my kiddos treated me well and we did just fine. But I do remember bringing Dara to preschool (she was 3 1/2) with Caleb on my hip (16 months old) with my preggo belly. I could practically see the "oh my gosh is she crazy" running through the minds of the people that I encountered (lol).

When I look back myself I feel the same way! Ummm...I look at the pictures and think how did we do that? Babies...they were all just babies! Plus I was still working, schlepping Dara to therapies, and keeping Caleb home while Dara was in preschool. It was a crazy time. But we survived (well...we are still only surviving but that it likely a totally different blog post)!

Nothing could ever erase the pain and sadness I feel from losing my Dad. But Dilly reminds me of him every single day. She is the red headed grandchild he always hoped for. She is so much like me in so many ways and I was his little girl up until the very day he died. And she is like him. She just says and does things that remind me that he is always with us...watching over and protecting.

Even though she was only "kinda" planned I honestly feel as though this was how things were meant to be. Even if it was (and still is crazy) here in the Haven's household, our "Silly Dilly" is and was the final piece of the puzzle that makes our little family complete. I can't imagine how our life would ever be complete without her. So, Happy birthday sweet baby girl! I wish you could stay 5 forever!

I Gotta Be Me

It's been a long time again since I've written anything. I have the usual excuses...busy, work, kids, the normal craziness. As I was finishing up work for the evening (yes...I have been tied to my computer at all waking hours these days) I just started thinking that even on a "not s great, super chaotic, I don't love this Monday, type of day, that when it really comes down to it...I am pretty lucky.

I'm lucky because I choose this life. With all it's chaois and craziness...it is mine. It defines me.

I think that sometimes when I try and hold myself to the standards of others, I forget how lucky I am.

So I'm gonna try not to do that...and just be me.

High ho, High Ho, its Off to Work I Go!

Written on the plane...1/29

So, I am traveling for business this week. Its been a whole year since I have had to go on a work trip...and about 2 years before that. Its not too much to ask...and the change of pace is good for me. It reminds me how much I like my work, my life, and how much I love my husband and my kids.

Luckily I have a supportive husband, and some great friends helping me out so I know that evenyone will be taken care of. Even so...I still worry about how everyone will do when I am gone. It's weird b/c when Carl goes away (even though he's been home for over a year now) he leaves for so long. I hardly ever go away...so I think it is harder for the kids to adjust since I am thier constant.

I read to the kids last night before bed. When Carl is home (meaning not deployed) he does the bedtime routine. It is really the only time during the week he gets to spend with the kids. But since I was leaving early this morning I read and tucked the kids in. Here's how it went...

Me: Good night baby.
Dara: Good night mommy. See you tomorrow.
Me: No baby...mommy is going to work tomorrow. I will see you on Friday
Dara: OK mommy. I will miss you.
Me: I love you
Dara: I love you too

Caleb: "Mommy, I don't want you to go to work."
Me: I know buddy...but i wont be gone long
Caleb: I want you to stay here
Me: I know...but mommy only has to do this once or twice a year
Caleb: Twice? I don't want you to go twice! Do you go to work so you can make money?
Me: Kind of. I go to work because that's just what I do.
Caleb: Can you leave me something so I can remember you. Maybe you could draw me a picture of yourself
Me: Don't worry. You won't forget me. How bout I write you a note?
Caleb: OK. That would be good. How about you 3 write notes?
Me: OK...I'll do that.

Me: Good night dilly
Dilly: Good night mommy
Me: I will see you soon OK. Save me some snuggles for when I get home
Dilly: OK. But I don't want you to go to work.
Me: I know But I will talk to you on the phone...ok. And ou will have so much fun that you will hardly miss me.
Dilly: Can we talk on the computer?
Me: Maybe
Dilly: Ok. I love you mommy
Me: You too baby

So...that was harder than I thought. I mean...they were all ok. But it was harder for me to say goodnight than I thought it would be. I will be the first to admit that I enjoy a break from my children. That as much as I cherish them and the moments we spend together, sometimes those moments are simply too much.

I will only be gone from them for 4 days...not even...since I will see them Friday night before bed and I was so sad last night and this morning. I even teared up a little on the drive to the airport.

Time Flies When You Are Having Fun

Dara

For some reason I feel old. I mean...not Old Lady Old...but just kind of old.  Maybe it's because I am quickly approaching the 2nd birthday of my 40th year? Or my 11th wedding anniversary  Maybe it is that my "babies" will be 9 (HOLY COW), 7, and 5 this year!!! 

It seems like 2013 is already flying by. Yes...I know that it is only Jan 13. But when I look at the next 2-3 months I have  a vacation, 2 week long work trips, 2 local race events, and 1 girls's race weekend planned and that's not counting the kids or Carl's stuff. Since I have to plan for all of these things in advance it feels like they will approach quickly. Then it will be spring break and summer will be here in a flash! I love summer btw...so I am excited about that. But it means that sooner than I care to think of it I will have 3 children in elementary school.

Caleb

I cannot lie...I am eager to have an entire "school day" to get things accomplished. Work, training, cleaning, etc. But then in the hustle and bustle of afterschool and evening routine time will go even faster. I am suddenly feeling like I am caught in a tornado like whirlwind that will end with me having 3 grown children and I will look back and wonder where the time has gone.

Dilly

Food Fights

At the end of 2012 I started prepping the kids for some new adventures in 2013. Basically...this adventure would be with food. I guess I should back up a little.

I'm not really sure how/when my kids started eating only "kid" food. You know what I mean...noodles, hot dogs, chicken nuggets. As babies they all ate more adventurous foods. Dara and I used to share turkey cutlets and rice dinners when Carl was deployed. Caleb loved meatballs and peas (and boy could that kid eat!), and Dilly used to eat sliced avocado! I can't really complain as far as kids foods go since they eat TONS of fruits and the veggies (only raw) repertoire is expanding. But every night I make at least 3 different meals. Dilly doesn't like hot dogs, Dara won't eat noodles.

It's my own fault I guess. During deployments I never really cooked. I fed the kids "kid" food and I kind of ate whatever. Since we had several deployments kind of back to back I never really got into the habit of making them eat grown up stuff. For awhile I bribed them by telling them if they ate a bite of something I would give them a piece of candy (mother of the year...right?). That experiment worked for a few things...Caleb eats some rice, Dara likes yellow peppers and Dilly will eat pork chops. Without the candy bribe...none of them would have even tried those things.

In December we told them that we were going to make them try a bite of whatever we eat  in 2013. So far Carl is doing a juicing experiment and I am trying to eat Paleo...so now I am making even more meals (liquid included) and we aren't enforcing our "you must try one bite" rule.

I guess I should be happy with what they eat. I do my best to feed them the best of what they like...such as nitrate free all beef hot dogs and whole grain pasta. Every dinner includes fruits and veggies and Caleb and Dilly eat Greek yogurt. And I have decided to pick my battles. I'm thinking that I will have some lessons in making your own food/lunches this summer...lol. So then, at least they will be involved in the craziness of distributing different food for everyone.

Or...I can make them drink beet juice...Carl really likes that one.