The Sunny Side of Life

I've been busy. So what...right? If I really want to become a seriously famous blogger I actually need to update my blog more than once in almost a month (and figure out how to actually get people to follow my blog...lol) so busy is no excuse. Honestly, I'm not sure I will ever be famous, but it would be cool. I mean, what mom hasn't read the story of Beyonce? Or read at least one Momastary post? It's not that I feel like I am so important that everyone will want to read my blog, like they have those, but I do hope someday that my sometimes complex, sometimes simple, and sometimes just plain silly utterings will have enough significance to make people think about...or rethink about how they feel about themselves, their kids, or their life.

So in an attempt to obtain world domination (I kid) here's my latest attempt at a complex, simple, silly uttering. The other day as I was having my morning chat with some friends in the parking lot after drop off, a friend of mine told one of the other ladies that we were chatting with that I always tried to find the positive side of things. She was right. Well, most of the time. I'm not always that person...but I do try. Sometimes its annoying...I know. And I hope I don't ever seem like I am minimalizing a situation. I am always just trying to find the sunny side. Don't get me wrong. I have had many times in my life where I just wanted to sit in my closet with the door closed and cry...to wallow in my own sadness and despair. And I have. But once I am done with that I try to find the positive side of the situation and that is what helps me get through. Do I still feel sad on the inside? Yes. Does my smile sometimes shift to tears in moments? Absolutely. But when all is said and done...I am still going to try and find the sunny side...so maybe you will too.

My reasons to smile...

 

Everybody Shares Sometimes...

"Everybody shares sometimes." This, I believe is one of Dara's favorite saying right now. She always says it when she wants to play with my Ipad. Which is often. 

If she had a choice, she would play with my Ipad or her Ipod Touch 24 hours a day. Of course I don't let  her...but her radar is always on. She can spot a phone through a jacket pocket or even  in a purse sometimes. And if you are texting or playing on your phone...she will be very interested and start to look over your shoulder...even if you are a perfect stranger.

Dara playing with her Ipod Touch 

We are trying very hard to break her of this habit...but it has been tough. If you are the "target" of her desire the impulse and urge to see or experience whatever is happening on your phone (or ipad, ipod, whatever) is much greater than the urge to follow the rules. She just wants it and that is it. One of my dear friends (Elizabeth...we love you!) said something today that made so much sense and links this behavior to the fact that Dara has PDD (NOS). Dara just says and does what everyone else WANTS to...but doesn't. For example, she didn't want to stay at the park today so she just continued to tell me that she wanted to leave. "Are we done yet?" 'Can we go home now?" "I don't want to stay here." She just blatantly speaks her mind. 

It seems funny to discuss the fact that she wants to play with an Iphone as an element of her diagnosis of PDD (NOS). I mean, it's not really...but it what that desire symbolizes. So, when she wants to know what is on your "electronic device" she will just straight up ask you if she can see it and use it. Much of this "tell it like it is" behavior is a direct result of PDD (NOS) which causes her to have an altered perspective of the the world around her and how she should act in it. 

On the other hand... it is so fun to get a glimpse into how her brain works and how she can navigate through these devices. My friend Meredith came to visit us this summer and is now the proud owner of a Hello Kitty app purchased by Dara...lol. I hope it didn't cost too much. I have the app store password protected on her touch and my Ipad...and I have to hide my password from her so she doesn't buy whatever app she chooses. This is partially because she earns apps (kind of like allowance) for good behavior and making good choices and loses them (instead of time out or some other punishment) when necessary. 

So, if she walks up behind you one day...she is just interested in what your phone has to offer...just remember she doesn't mean for her persistence to be bothersome or intrusive she is just interested. That said, don't let her uncover your password!

Never Forget

Last year Dara brought home an A-Z reader about Heroes. The "book" included vivid (even in black and white) images of firemen carrying people covered in dust down stairwells and the Twin Towers engulfed in smoke. As I looked through the book I was overwhelmed by the images and immediately decided that I would request that her teacher send home a different book for homework. The next day, there was a new book in Dara's backpack and that was that.

Did I make a mistake? Was I being over protective? Would it have been OK for my 7 year old 1st grader to  view these images and read about 9/11? I was reflecting on that this morning as I turned on the radio for the 9/11 moment of silence...just as I have every year since that awful day. I listened to the first set of names as I was driving onto the base this morning, tearful for those families and for America on that day, I reflected on how just a single moment or event can change everything that you think you might know.

I remember where I was...sitting at my desk in Ballston, Virginia. Someone came into my office and said the towers had been hit. I instantly tried to figure out what was happening but my internet was down...phone lines were jammed. Since we had no TV several of us walked down to the lobby to watch the coverage on a small black and white TV that sat in the corner of the Dry Cleaners on the first floor. We all watched, speechless, in disbelief. I checked my voicemail, there was a frantic message from my mom. She was in NY (Long Island) and was trying to see if I was OK. The Pentagon had been hit by a plane. My office was only 2 miles away...but she didn't know that for sure. I shouldn't have really even been at work that day. My grandmother had passed away just 2 days before...but I had put my bereavement leave on hold. Instead, there I was, staring in amazement, overwhelmed, and in shock.

I want my children to understand what happened that day, the impact that it had on their lives before they were even born. I want them to understand that there are people in this world that don't like us...just because we are Americans but to be proud of our country and be the best people and Americans that they can be. When will I feel like it is OK to share the events of that day with them? I don't know. Because in that same breath I want to protect them from the tragedy and the fact that there are people in this world who are just bad through and through.

Life can change in a minute. Days like September 11 remind us of that. They remind us that life is precious, that America is Beautiful and that there are many people that have and will continue to sacrifice for the truths and freedoms that we hold dear as Americans.

And even though I am not ready to share...I will never forget.

I Have to Half and it's Contagious!

If you would have told me 3 years ago that running is contagious, I would have laughed. And I mean laughed long and hard. I HATED running. Yes...it's true. Complete DISLIKE. But a friend of mine talked me into running with her (thank you Shayna!)...and soon afterwards I was actually enjoying it. I joined a gym...found a running partner who taught me SO much about running (thanks Jen!)...and finished two 5ks, an 8k, and a 1/2 marathon within my first 9 months of running (or rather...hurling myself forward by putting one foot in front of the other...lol).

Fast forward 2 years later and I've come a VERY long way! I've run several more races including several 5ks, 8ks, and 10ks, a total of 8 half marathons, 3 Have 2 Halfs (details on those later), a full marathon, and 1 sprint triathlon. I attribute this all to the contagiousness of running! Yes, it sounds crazy...but I am addicted. Even on days that I hate my run, I can't imagine not doing it. I've even placed in my age group or on a team in some races and I have a slew of 1/2 marathon medals. One of the reasons I love that distance is that you get a medal once you cross the finish line whether you are first, last, or somewhere in  between. Those shiny medals distract me.

Me, Analisa, and Ryanne, the 
ladies behind the H2H
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

So, back to the purpose of this post. Last year I joined a running club for military spouses called Stroller Warriors(TM). Admittedly, I am pretty much a strollerless warrior...since I rarely run with my children...but the group welcomed me with or without my stroller. This spring (early summer actually) two of the group's leaders came  up with the idea that they wanted to run a 1/2 marathon every month for a year. Yes. 13.1 miles once a month for a whole year. It was then that the Stroller Warrior have to Half was born.

The purpose of the H2H series is to provide a safe, familiar, supportive, and fun environment in which to run 13.1 miles while supporting a specific charity. If you complete the full 13.1 you are eligible for a Stroller Warriors H2H medal which you can buy at cost for $5.75. Then, with a minimum donation of $10.00 you receive a lapel pin from the selected charity to add to your super cool medal. There are no additional fees, the club and organizers do not make any money from the race...all proceeds go directly to charity. How amazing is that??? 

Some of us in our cool new SW medals after the Semper
Fi Fund race!
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

The series started in June. There were just under 30 racers who ran to support wounded and fallen warriors for the Semper Fi fund. We had at least 1 first time half marathoner run the race along with 2 ladies who ran beside her every step of the way to support her all the way to the finish. It was AMAZING to be there to see those ladies cross the finish line!

Liz and Me at the water station.
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

The second race in the series raised money for another SW and her efforts to raise money for the MCM. We supported Liz by running for Cure Epilepsy and her daughter Maddie. It was SO hot but once again...motivated by the finishers of the first H2H several ladies who had never ran a 1/2 marathon before took the plunge! There were also planned water stations with volunteers cheering us on with hydration and iced towels! I was lucky to be able to run with Liz who left Camp Lejune to move to Raleigh this summer. The heat was brutal but the company was great!


So...FINALLY on to the 3rd H2H in the series. I am humbled to say that this race was to support ME and my efforts to raise money for the Organization for Autism Research. I worked with the awesome race director at OAR and she provided me with medals, lapel pins, literature, race shirts, and tee shirts. Now, if you race at all...you know BLING and SWAG is very important to runners. And the H2H series is no different! People were excited about the medals and the opportunity to give back to such an amazing charity! Every day the race number climbed up a few. People were so excited (hence I was SO excited!). We had SO many newbies run this race...and a total of 54 participants overall. Everyday another Stroller Warrior was donating on my fundraising page or telling me how excited they were to run t his race. It was CRAZY and AMAZING and GREAT all at the same time. 

My OAR shirt.
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

On the day of the race I got there bright and early. Race signup and announcements commenced in the dark, but I could see the donation bucket quickly filling up. All I could say during announcements was "Thank You!" I was overcome by the generosity of the ladies in this group! Everyone was so excited for the race and for me and how much money we could raise for OAR. It was not an easy 13.1...but it was worth every step! My family was at the end to great me as I crossed the finish line and I was able to see friends and new half marathoners cross as well. It was amazing to run with such great partners and friends for something that is so near and dear to me. 


Stroller Warriors and  the H2H for Dara helped me raise MORE THAN my initial fundraising goal for the Marine Corp Marathon...now these ladies are still donating and helping me triple...maybe quadruple my goals! In addition to this amazing race and the donations that just keep coming in on my fundraising page the members of SW Camp Pendleton hosted a play date and 13.1 mile run (Thanks Patty, Mia, and Sarah!) where they collected donations and several other members have volunteered to help me by making a bib and medal holder to raffle off (thanks Nicole!) and donated proceeds from their own personal business sales (thanks Kelly!). 

I am so thankful to EVERYONE running partners, friends, colleagues, and family who have supported me during the past few years and during this adventure of MCM fundraising. You are all special and generous and THAT is CONTAGIOUS!!!

To donate please visit my donation page at http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/deanahavens/2012mcm.

OAR Bling and Swag!

Which way do we go?
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

Morning sign up.
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

 

Race support staff: Megan, Elizabeth, and Steph
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

Crystal finishing her first 1/2 marathon!
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

Carl and Dara
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

Race tat
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

Beth's water station sign.
Photo taken by Elizabeth Harlow.

Special thanks to Elizabeth Harlow for capturing these photos. And thanks again to all the racers and Stroller Warriors who volunteered to participate in this even as runners or support staff!!! I wish I had room to post pictures of each and every one of you!

School Daze

First day pictures were a total FAIL

So, Monday was the first day of school for Dara and Caleb. If I said I was totally sad, I would be lying. I have been missing them during the day times so far but I have been enjoying the freedom that comes from school. Dilly and I have been running errands and getting some things done around the house...which has been both fun and rewarding since I can spend some time with her and feel like I am finally accomplishing something after a summer of just trying to get stuff done but being interrupted every five minutes and just giving up. That said, when I gave up I was actually able to pay attention to the kiddies...so maybe it wasn't such a  bad  idea.

Is this a happy face or what...lol

My kids like school...kind-of. And when I say that I mean it in the best way possible (just in case any teachers are reading this...lol. even if t hey don't like to do their school work...they do love YOU). Every night at bedtime Dara asks if she will get to go to school tomorrow...and  then asks when she can check books out of the library (my book worm!) and Caleb has told me this is the best school year ever. Dilly was all smiles as she left her first day of orientation today for preschool that starts 4 mornings a week next week (note she is wiped out and napping right now!) But...even with the desire to be at school they still miss being at home. No matter how you slice it, even on the funnest days, school means demands and work. Basically, school is like a kids job. And even though I love to work and get satisfaction and enjoyment from it, I also love it when I don't have to work. When I was working in an office, I always looked forward to Friday and dreaded the insomnia of Sunday night before starting the work week on Monday. So, if a choice could be made, my kids would probably opt for school some days and home some days.

Dilly getting on the action by being the only one smiling.

I like school for them too...kind of. I mean, school gives them amazing opportunities to learn, not only about facts, but about other people, diversity, respect. It provides them with the opportunity to grow and foster relationships with other intelligent and diverse kids and adults. It challenges them in ways that will help them grow their knowledge and as human beings. It also challenges them to cope, to adjust, to focus, to face people who might not be so nice, to make choices about who they want to be and how they want other people to see them. These things can be both amazing and difficult at the same time. They are part of life...of growing up...and the part where I just want to jump in and guide them and protect them all at the same time... mommy bear style. It is both difficult and rewarding to see my children grow. It provides me great joy as well as sadness all at the same time. I guess I need to just keep crossing my fingers, fighting battles for them when I can, and believe that just by feeling this way I am doing something right.

"Tri-ing" Something New!

Tomorrow morning...bright and early...I am participating in the Cherry Point Sprint Triathlon. I'm not sure who's kool-aid I was drinking when I registered...but somehow I thought  this might be a good idea. Am I excited for this new experience? Absolutely!!! And I completely nervous and anxious? Absolutely!!! Am I crazy for trying to fit this in along with getting ready for school to start and training for a marathon...ummm...yes!

This crazy idea actually started brewing when I decided to sell my bib for the Annapolis 10-miler I signed up for several months ago. Originally, I had planned on taking a "mommycation" (which will be fully defined and discussed in a future blog post). The plan was I would head to Annapolis, MD on Friday, stay through the weekend to run the race on Sunday morning, then head back to NC on Monday. I planned to spend the weekend living like a grown-up (lol), spending time with a dear friend from college and seeing some other college and post college friends, some old colleagues, and even a friend from here that had just moved to VA. I thought running the race would combine a fun weekend away (much needed) with some additional MCM training. 

Then, about a month ago, I realized that my kids started school on August 27, the day after the race. I was already thinking I couldn't get there until Sat...so coming home Sunday really sucked the fun out of the whole trip. I would drive up, be tired, run a hilly 10-miler on Sunday, then drive home. Carl was totally prepared to take on the whole first day of school thing...but I just felt like I didn't want to miss it. Even though I REALLY want to take a mommycation...it wasn't worth missing the first day of school for the kiddies. 

So, after I was able to sell my bib, somehow, I got wind of this sprint Tri. I don't know if it was someone elses' idea...or mine...but I do know that several of my friends jumped in and signed up while I was still contemplating it. Have I trained...um...barely...lol. So it should be interesting! I've still been focused on my marathon training and I've used the bike as cross training. I've been in the pool a few times...and I actually have a swim lesson today (lesson 2 of 2 that I am taking with some friends).  When I told my instructor that the race was this weekend...she was very surprised...lol. Big confidence builder.  Note that I am taking the lesson while my kids swim in another part of the pool under the supervision of a lifeguard...yeah right. I don't imagine my lesson lasting very long unless I plan on swimming while dragging the munchkins behind.

Goals for tomorrow's race: 

1. Swim 400 meters without passing out

2. Stay on the bike without falling, getting a flat tire, or any other big disasters

3. Getting off the bike and heading to the run knowing that my legs will eventually feel better

4. Remembering to take off my helmet in the transition between the bike and the run

5. Encourage spectators to capture memories with photos from the waist up (haha)

6. Cross the finish line without having to be dragged over it

So, wish me luck! A new challenge awaits!

Dates with Babes!

Taking time to be with my kids individually is hard. I know that sounds kind of silly, but between therapies for Dara, camps, running, work (when I have it) it just takes extra time and planning that I don't always have. They are also kind of conditioned from deployments and workups...meaning that when there is only one parent around it is hard to do anything without all four of us being together. Plus, my kids are so close in age that when they are not fighting with each other they actually kind of like each other's company. 

I couldn't stop laughing at this ring!

 

Mmmmmm...Superman ice cream!

This summer, before our babysitter left for her new teaching job, I took some time to schedule dates with the kids. I let them choose (kind of) what we were going to do. Dara and I went to a movie and had ice cream for breakfast and for lunch. The funny thing is, she didn't really eat any of it either time...she just loved that I was letting her do it! Caleb and I played mini golf and went to the arcade at Mac Daddy's. He picked a skull ring as one of his prizes for his tickets and kept telling me it was the best day ever. Dilly and I went shopping (of course!) and went to buy a rainbow dolphin  that she remembered seeing at the aquarium. We stopped by all of her favorite exhibits after we bought "Milly" the dolphin and she was over the moon. I can't believe I have never done this more. I mean, I get some alone time with the kids but we don't usually plan fun individual excursions. Usually it is just a trip to the grocery store or the Dunkin Donuts drive thru.

This isn't from our date, but I love it!

I really enjoyed hanging with each one of them as individuals. Saying that out loud makes me feel like I never spend any time with them...even though that is far from true. It was just nice to be able to really hear them...rather than fight over the noise of all three kids together and have to referee every conversation or action. I am so glad that they enjoy each other, but at the same time, they make each other (and me, when that happens) crazy! 

We only have one week left until school starts. On one hand, I am ready for the break. This year I will have 4 days a week to myself until 12:00, when I pick Dilly up from preschool. On the other hand, I am going to miss them. Not the bickering (I mentioned that they fight...and make me nuts... didn't I?) but just knowing what their day entails and being able to share that with them and protect them from the  unknown. I am dreading the morning routine and how tired they will be on a daily basis, how busy Dara will be with school and ABA, Caleb's soccer practice, and everyone's HOMEWORK (yuk!). 

I also hate the idea that I will want to rush the school year...so we can have another summer. Every school year that passes, means my "babies" grow up a little more...and that is bittersweet.